


Black Mayhem

by DCJoKeRHS



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ariana is Harry, Ask Bella, Female Harry Potter, M/M, Mild Language, i think, or the Blacks in general
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-10-25 18:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10770249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DCJoKeRHS/pseuds/DCJoKeRHS
Summary: Stuff happens.Dumbledore gets annoyed.People seriously need to take a chill pill... (TOM!)





	1. The One Thing No One Thought Would Happen... Happened.

Sirius looked up as Bellatrix and the others in the prison fell silent, the familiar figure of Albus Dumbledore striding to stand in front of him, holding something, that had Bellatrix freezing, before rushing to the bars of her cell.

“I bring news about Ariana.” he smiles warmly.

“Really?! How is she, is she OK?!” Sirius quickly moved to stand opposite.

Dumbledore turned the paper in his hand.

The picture was of a girl, too small and slight for her age, with curled, untameable black hair and eyes that looked too large for her too-pale face. She was dressed in the robes of Hogwarts, though there was no joy, or sorrow on her petite face, just a vast amount of longing, fear and barely-there innocence in her eyes.

“Wait! Last you said, she was well! What in Merlin’s name happened, Dumbledore?!” Sirius exclaimed, “What happened _to my Godaughter_!”

“She is healthy, and has friends at Hogwarts, Sirius.” Dumbledore replies calmly, “I hoped it would calm you to have an update on her.”

“I-...” Sirius growled, snatching the picture into his on cell. “ _Leave_. Before the dementors think of anything.”

Sirius watches Dumbledore’s shadow fall away as he goes.

“That’s… That’s Ariana… Meant-to-have-been-spoilt Ariana?!” Bellatrix hissed.

Sirius shot her a glare, which she returns.

“Look, I know I hate you, and you hate me, but like hell I’m letting a half-blood relation of mine who looks like that get used or abused by anyone, even that baggy old arse Dumbledore.” Bellatrix, for once in her life since her husband, is acting more sane than usual.

Sirius hesitates.

“You? Care? You’re a raving mad lunatic, after what the Lestrange brothers did to you,” he asks.

“So?! That git would’ve, were he as good as you believe, told you what the fuck is wrong! We both know what those eyes mean, it’s in our blood for crying out loud!”

The pair stared eachother down, before Sirius turned away, thinking…

 

Three hours later, an Auror ran into Fudge’s office.

“By Merlin, Fudge, you have to hear this!”

“What?!” Fudge demanded, as the Auror slammed their hands on the desk, revealing a note and accidentally spilling Fuge’s fresh cup of tea all over his paperwork.

“Bellatrix Lestrange and Sirius Black have escaped from Askaban”

“WHAT?! How?!” Fudge exclaimed.

“You won’t believe it, Sir!” the Auror licked their lip in discomfort, “But…” he looks around, before leaning in close, “ _They worked together._ ”

Fudge no longer cares about the spilt tea, or his paperwork as he jumps up, grabbing the note with shaking hands.

 

_No one messes with a Black._

_-SB & BL_

 

“Damn it, tell the other Aurors and contact the Daily Prophet, we need to find them, immediately.”

“What shall I tell them, Sir?”

“Tell them the pair escaped one after the other by coincidence, nothing more. Who knows what those two working together for once will do…”

 

Meanwhile, a certain pair of Blacks were plotting their next move in the Potter Mansion, Sirius knowing that the Black house he’d grown up in would already have Albus’ associates crawling all over it.

“What now?” Sirius asks, “We could kidnap her, but then questions would arise.”

“Did you get a trial?” Bellatrix hums.

A broken laugh was Sirius’ reply. “Trial? They just threw me in there saying Pettigrew’s finger was the perfect evidence and they didn’t even use a memory charm on the surroundings, or Vertaserum!”

“Hmm, me neither, yet they frame me for a murder that my husband’s committed, not me myself…” Bellatrix muses, “My Lord would probably crucio me or send me straight back, anyway.”

“What?!” Sirius' face morphes into shock.

“I was actually just in the room next door, dealing with a rather nasty protective transfiguration; the lions on the mantle-piece, I only just defeat them, dress chewed and everything, before they knock me with a stupify, then I wake up in Askaban.” Bellatrix lifts her skirt slightly to show one of the rips caused by a pair of rather large teeth.

Sirius' eyes _gleem_ at the statement.

“That’s it, then. We’ll kidnap Ariana, then get someone to help us prove our innocence, so we can adopt Ariana!” Sirius grinned, “Remus would help with that last bit!”

“He’s a werewolf… Wait, I could ask Lucius? Yeah, he’s a bit of a bore, but it should be easy if I talk with Cissy.” Bellatrix hums, the pair on the same page for once.

“Who?”

“Narcissa, his wife, she’s got the motherliness of a lioness.”

“...Fine, only because that puts her on similar level to Lily and _she_ wasn’t a woman I wanted to get on the wrong side of… Especially when she was pregnant and able to still summon stuff from the kitchen…”

Bellatrix cackled at the mntal image of a meant-to-be-grey Lily holding a knife over her head at her dear cousin and his friends, incuding Lily's own husband.

“Well, let’s get to work, cousin…”


	2. Ariana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariana's not what they expected...

Sirius and Bellatrix found it easy enough to sneak into the whomping willow, calling on Severus for aid.

He'd, obviously, gawked like a fish at the sight of the Black cousins sitting in the same room, _not killing eachother_ , but it's not as though he'd dealt with weirder...

"Why are you even _here_?" are the first words out of his mouth.

"Ari." Sirius states simply. "What's happened to her?"

Severus' face turns neutral, but for a raised eyebrow.

"And why ever would I tell you that? You could be suffering from an Imperius Curse cast by Mrs Lestrange."

"Come now, Sevvy~!" Bellatrix simpered, "You're about as balanced as we are; Voldemort's lot his marbles, and Dumbledore's gone senile with his plans, trying to ensure things remain how they are, which would be terrible for _everyone_."

Severus is silent for a moment.

"Ms Potter, according to Dumbledore, lives with her Muggle relatives due to a blood ward cast by Lily when she died to protect Ariana, details on what exactly happens there are questionable, though Professor McGonagall was told several concerns about her weight and scars  on her back when Madam Pomfrey had to change her when Ms Potter somehow thought it OK to accompany Ms Granger and Mr Weasley-"

"Percy?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Ronald - after defeating a Troll into bypassing Hagrid's three-headed mutt and our other puzzles to find Professor Quirrell - who was actually our Lord - trying to obtain the philosopher's stone, which is now in the safe in the Headmaster's Office." Severus paused, gaining a look, to which he relaxed his stance.

"Honestly he's a lying old coot who decided to lay a plan to try and use Ms Potter to destroy our Lord once again, disregarding any internal battles and the fact Quirrell was obviously unqualified. It has caused more unrest than required, and has disregarded the fact that Potter still has no full knowledge of her heritage, obviously is suffering from maltreatment, and that then calling her inquiries on staying for the Summer holidays and the time she quite literally destroyed the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables during the lunch period while in a rant at Draco about how she is unprivileged and despises bigotry after suffering for years in her own home."

"Seriously?!" Bellatrix's eyes sparked at the mention of chaos.

"Unfortunately, all those at the staff at the staff's table held a front-row seat..." Severus replied. "Dumbledore had then summoned the two to his office and merely told them off for fighting."

"Ouch, what an arse." Bellatrix grimaced, as Sirius frowned.

"Scars?"

"Yes, _scars_ , possibly from a belt."

"Ah." Sirius' eye gained a slightly maddened glint. "Can you fetch her?"

Severus raises an eyebrow.

"I see no way either of you could aid her; she may reject you with your... Crimes, and even then, you would be unable to gain custody of her, just like Lupin."

Sirius _grins_ , getting up, practically bouncing over to shove his face into Severus', and replying as his eyes _glint_.

"She is my Goddaughter, and the heir to the Black family, which i gave her ightful laim over for when she is of age. _I don't care about any slimy-arse Ministers, just let me see my goddaughter!_ "

The door falls off it's hinges as four very curious - and terrified - faes peer up into the room.

Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were shoved out of the way as the fourth shot up, eyes blazing.

 __" _WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, YOU MANGY MUTT_!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you end up planning for what's generally a crack-story...


	3. Reunion Worth Everything

Sirius and Bellatrix were on their feet in seconds as Severus found himself between a wilder version of "Young Children vs Too-Old Children".

As soon as Neville opened his mouth Snape finally straightened fully.

"Both group of you, shut up, stay quiet, and act your age - none of you are toddlers, " he stated, using full-teacher-mode.

"Wha~t! But Sevvy! Young Longbottom was about to hex me," Bellatrix whined as Sirius snarled, before putting his wand away and huffing as he flopped back in his chair.

"You're never any fun, Snivellus."

"They're criminals!"

"What do you mean by Godfather!"

"I'm a teacher," Snape replied flatly, ignoring the high tension.

At another glare and gesture, the children sat neatly in a line by the destroyed door, Severus finally continuing.

"Yes, Potter, Sirius Black here is your official Godfather, he and Bellatrix successfully broke out just because they saw a photograph and deemed you, Miss Potter, as in need of better parents-"

"As if going to a pair of convicts is good enough!"

"Falsely accused! My husband was the one to torture the Longbottoms and I had to deal with the mangy security-ornaments!"

"Ten points from Gryffindor for interrupting a teacher, as for Mrs Lestrange, I'd remove points from Slytherin, yet you no longer attend the school, even if you act too much like a child to not fit right in," Snape stated, "But you will explain things, civilly, or I may accidentally allow my wand to slip."

The Blacks huff in unison, rolling their eyes as they cross their eyes in synch, before glaring at eachother for a moment.

"Anyway, I was forced to deal with the house security as the female of the group while the men went ahead and tortured the Longbottom couple; I just wanted to adopt Neville, since those prats robbed me of any chance for children before and after the marriage - it was right-down rape!" Bellatrix's eyes flashed, before taking a breath at the glare from Snape, "Anyway, that's how _they_ talked me into it, then they have the idea to blame _me_ for the entire downfall, then of course the Ministry decides it won't listen to a mere woman-" she caught sight of the looks on the girls faces, and snorted, "Believe me, we women end up as glorified toys, especially if you're related to any of the Noble or Ancient Houses, no matter what the men say."

"That's off topic, Sirius."

"OK, so, I arrive to find the Potters dead, Ari in her cradle, so I quickly pull Ari out and try to take her to safety. Hagrid shows up and takes Ari, then Pettigrew, the _slimy rat_! Pops up, lets me chase him, then frames me, cutting off his finger and turning into his rat form! Then I get caught, framed, then Dumbledore doesn't tell them Pettigrew was the secret keeper, which I only found out a few hours ago through guards, the lying old coot!" Sirius growled, "I wasn't even given the mockings of a trial, they only pointed at Pettigrew's finger, then at my animagus form as a Grim!"

Sirius grits his hand in a fist, focusing in his breathing.

"When he showed me Ariana's picture, I was terrified at the sight of pain, loss and emptiness, which is what spurred Bella into helping. Albus thought it'd be fine to just repeat "she's fine" in my face while holding such a picture! He'll rue the day he messed with a Black!"

"An old-fashioned reckoning," Bellatrix smirked, eyes sparkling.

"How on earth did you get out?" Ariana finally asked.

"Simple - they never expected us two to work together,"

"But they forgot that the enemy of an enemy is a friend..."

"For the time being."

The in-synch duo had the four children looking surprised and, dare say it, miffed.

"So, Dumbledore just let you two get passed over and sent to hell on earth for crimes you didn't you commit?!" Weasley demanded.

Neville looked struck, though his breathing showed his anger.

"How should we believe you?"

"Pettigrew's alive; find him, and you find the person with both freeing witness accounts."

"Both?!"

"He was the one to betray the Potters' location, and be there at the very meeting where I got told to deal with security, then there's our memories and vertaserum and the fact neither of us would still be blacks by law!" Bellatrix retorted.

"Nor would I currently be a Lord that even Gringotts will side with; they're not half bad, especially while rebelling against the family!" Sirius grinned.

Ariana was fuming, before she looked up.

"So the old bastard has been trying to make me a puppet?!" Ariana's voice was cold, as Sirius frowned, not even bothering to deduct points. "I'm not some doll for those filthy, old, _senile_ men to toy with! Even if Tom Riddle has a nice arse during his sixteenth year!"

Bellatrix snorted at that.

"He's old enough to be your grandpa."

"He's my cousin twice removed, Potters go to Gryffindors to Peverells to Slytherins to Gaunts to Voldemort," Ariana clarified, Dumbledore's actually from the eldest Peverell, as my Uncle thrice removed, though his Grandpa got entirely disowned and torn from the family tree for marrying a muggleborn, any inheritance going to Voldemort's great great great grandpa."

The room fell silent as eyes turned towards the young female.

"I did my research; I have claims for the Potter and Gryffindor houses, as well as an heir for the Black and Peverell houses, one of which is Voldemort's."

"Aria? You know that gives Dumbledore even more of a reason to hate you?"

"Of course, but what's a young Grey Witch to do? Kill the two old goats aiming to kil me first with the other? No fear!" Aria snorted.

"Grey?!"

"I decided after meeting Voldemort. Right now, I'm Grey, because Dumbledore is effectively bullying all the Slytherins and the Tom Riddle in Ginny's Diary - a horkrux, no less - is too bigotted to even know why he's got so much respect and women falling at his feet during his seventeenth year."

"Lust," Bellatrix snorted.

"Love, which Dumbles is a total hypocrite about," Ariana shrugs, before pointing at Snape, "Yeah, you're a teacher, but that doesn't mean I must always use my full effort in class like those two pompous idiots did."

Snape is obviously bewildered, as Sirius laughs.

"So, my dera Goddaughter? What do you have planned, and can I either take part or see?"

"Oh, my dear Godfather... You find us a place with a dungeon holding a table with two bolted-down chairs on either end, and a movable one to sit on the side, and you get front-row-seats with dear old Bella here, if she's willing? Else I'l have to use Snappy, and he gets exactly like that."

"Snappy?"

A finger points at Severus, who glares back, winning a few chuckles.

"You have a deal."

"From both of us..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYY!! IT'S HALF-PAST MIDNIGHT!! WAHOOOOOO!!!
> 
> *K.O!*


	4. A Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update!  
> I apparently only update this high on Lack of sleep, Coffee and Pepsi-Cherry-Max and/or Nesquik! Hope y'don't mind! ^w^...  
> ...  
> ¬w¬ OK, you probably will...  
> ...BUT I'M ON A ROLL!! UPDATES ALL ROUND!!  
> (/^w^)/ *throws about new chapters* \\(^w^\\)

Voldemort couldn't believe the current situation.

Bellatrix and Severus, his _most loyal_ , had tricked him into being bolted to a chair, _opposite_ an equally surprised-and-bolted-down Bumble-Bore who'd been tricked into the room by none other than _Sirius Black_ and _Remus Lupin_!

"Wow! This is so cool!"

The voice has him turning to glare at the young girl who's skipped in.

"Ariana, my dear-" Dumbledore starts-

"Hi!" the girl beams, "Hope you don't mind, just decided to ask a request of my Uncles and Awesome Auntie!"

"Oi, I'm not _that_ old!" Bellatrix complains.

"...Big Sis," Ariana finally says, grinning, before turning back to them as several new chairs are provided for the adults, Ariana...

...And six other children; three redheads, though one was leaning slightly towards brown, the Longbottom brat, Draco Malfoy and a blonde weirdo who didn't seem all-there.

"What in Merlin's Name is going on?!" Voldemort growls.

"A Diplomatic Meeting on behalf of me to know which side's got what going on!" the half-ginger smiles, before holding up a small box.

Voldemort recognises the voice recorder easily.

...

Oh Merlin's hairy balls.

...

(He's never thinking that again!)

The object is placed on the table.

"Meeting on the 4th of January, at 00:42, the Lord of the Dark, Lord Voldemort, against the Lord of the Light, Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Advisors and Approvers are Bellatrix Black and Severus Snape, as well as Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Jury is Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, Ariana Lily Potter, Ronald Weasley, Ginerva Weasley, Draco Malfoy and Luna Lovegood," she recites, before turning to Ariana, who grins, placing a dicta-quill and parchment on the table.

"OK, so, both sides will be announcing their side's wishes for our country, neither side can interrupt the other until all claims by that side have been made..." Ginny's grin turns feral as she explains, "only once the dicta-quill has been removed may you start arguing."

Voldemort resists the urge to snort.

He'd only _just_ regained a human form, thanks to the two behind him, yet was already being subjugated to _this_?!...

...

...Though he has to admit, Miss Potter does appear to have _some_ style.

Then Dumbledore starts calmly speaking his claims, Voldemort dearly wishing to shut him up...

...He stands corrected on the little brat's style, _him_ going first is _awful_! It's just "Love and Peace all-round" hippie-nonsense!

When he finally is able to give his own ideals, Voldemort realises there's the extra-security of Silencing Charms on the other occupants of the room but for Bellatrix and Severus.

How... _Convenient_... (he'd wanted to be able to use the others as an excuse not to go through this garbage)

The quill is removed with the silencing charms,

"Now..." Neville says, leaning forward, "You can start the accusations now."

The children look a bit _too_ pleased for his liking.

"Why are we even going through this nonsense! You brats were obviously brought up by that man's claims, apart from Mr Malfoy, though his growth was mainly Lucius' influence," he demands.

"Do you not... Trust me?" Dumbledore asks warily.

"No," Draco states flatly, "It's either the Grandpa who fought for power, or the Grandpa who got given power for taking down his _boyfriend_."

"And was part of the central cause for his baby sister's death," the blonde beside Draco remarks, even if that is apparently less of a body-count than the Dark Lord."

Voldemort rolls his eyes.

"So?"

"Keeping old Values, not trying to appease Muggles for differences and stereotypes, rights for Creatures - _that_ sounds cool," the red-haired boy smirks.

"Bu~t killing for it doesn't sound entirely great..." the redhead at his side shrugs, "Nor is sticking wih Wizarding stereotypes about Purebloods, Halfbloods and Muggleborns..."

The kids somehow manage a muffling  charm as they are obviously negotiating amongst themselves, before there are several shared grins and the children turn back to them.

Gone are any pretences of social warmth.

"We are Grey!" Ariana finally grins, "And _THAT_ means you're staying here until we say otherwise, or you somehow break out!"

They then leave...

...

"...DAMN YOU, POTTER!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: My Dad's a hippie, I used to be one (now I'm an Inverted Emo ;D), so Voldemort using the term as an insult I personally don't find wrong, because COME ON! WHO ELSE WEARS VIBRANT AF COLOURS AND PREACHES FOR PEACE!!?? Cause even Strongly-religious people, in my opinion, aren't always so "PEACE AND LOVE"-ey as Dumbles ;D  
> ...  
> (...I wanna sleep... TTwTT)


End file.
